Sometime last week, most of us got the news that our little people wouldn't be going back to school. We all knew this was inevitable, but the announcement made it real.
And it was hard.
Up until that point, I was happy to have the chance to return to our home schooling roots. I saw it as a gift: Matthew would finally get a taste of the home education all the older kids enjoyed! We pulled out the McGuffey's and got down to business. I was happily reliving "the good old days."
So I'm not exactly sure why the news that they wouldn't go back hit me hard. Maybe my rebellious spirit doesn't like being forced into something, even if it's something I enjoy. Maybe it was the reality that they wouldn't get to finish what they started at school, that they wouldn't get to say goodbye to friends and teachers...
Whatever it was, that day reminded me that even when I can't control the outside world, there's plenty I can control inside my own four walls. And it's my job during this strange time to manage life inside this lockdown well.
"Pay careful attention then to how you live, making the most of the time"
This will be one of those times we look back on for years to come. Memories will be made. Characters will be forged. Families will be changed. For both good and evil. The joy and the challenge of being a mom through all of this is that much of it depends on me.
"She seemed to know that if she swayed the family shook, and if she ever really deeply wavered or despaired the family would fall, the family will to function would be gone." Steinbeck, on Ma Joad leading her family through tough times in Grapes of Wrath.
Lots has been lost this year. But lots has been gained too. When I'm starting to waver, I remind myself of the many wins this lockdown lifestyle has gifted us.